Im Alone Then Again I Always Was

"Being alone never felt right.  Sometimes information technology felt good, but it never felt right."
— Charles Bukowski

"This forenoon I felt lost and alone every bit I was driving home after a brutal breakdown with my boyfriend.  I turned on the radio and the Michael Jackson song 'You Are Not Alone' was playing.  A few seconds later, at the exact moment the chorus began, I passed a huge billboard sign with large black letters that read, 'Yous ARE NOT Lone!'"

That's the opening paragraph of an email I received today from a reader named Ella.  It made me smile considering I love when life delivers seemingly casual, positive messages like that, correct when we need them most.

However, the remainder of Ella's email farther described her ongoing struggle with feeling "lost and alone" in life.  Which got me thinking…

Why practice people have to feel this way?  What's the point of it all?  Millions of people in this world, all of them peckish connection, and looking for specific experiences and people to satisfy them, yet inadvertently isolating themselves in the process.  Why?  Was the planet put here just to nourish our loneliness?

The more than I've experienced and explored my own feelings of doubtfulness and loneliness, the more I've realized how necessary these feelings are.  It's adept for the states to spend time exploring unknowns, lone.  It gives us an opportunity to discover who nosotros really are and what life is all almost.

Here are some things to proceed in mind when you lot feel lost and lonely:

i.  You are not alone in being lone.

So many of usa are fighting the same exact battle alongside you.  We are all in this together.  So no matter how embarrassed or pathetic you lot feel about your own situation, know that there are others out in that location experiencing the aforementioned emotions.  When y'all hear yourself say, "I am all solitary," information technology's just your worried mind trying to sell you a lie.  There's ever someone who can chronicle to you.  Peradventure you can't immediately talk to them, but they are out there, and that'southward all yous demand to know right now.

2.  Sometimes when you lot're lonely, you lot need to be lone.

Sometimes you need to be alone, not to be lonely, but to enjoy a little gratis time just being yourself and finding your way.  In other words, the moments you feel lonely are the moments you may most demand to be by yourself.  This is one of life's cruelest ironies.

Nosotros need confinement, because when we're alone we're discrete from obligations, we don't need to put on a show, and we can hear our own thoughts and feel what our intuition is telling us.  And the truth is, throughout your life there will exist times when the globe gets existent repose and the only affair left is the beat of your ain center.  So you'd improve learn the sound of it, otherwise you lot'll never empathize what information technology'due south telling you lot. (Read Repose: The Ability of Introverts.)

3.  You lot take to be a piddling lost first to find what you're looking for.

Not until you are lost in this world can y'all begin to find your all-time path.  Realizing y'all are lost is the starting time step to living the life you want.  The second step is leaving the life you don't want.  Making a big life change is pretty scary.  But you lot know what'southward even scarier?  Regret.

I can tell you from my own life experience that I've found love, lost information technology, found it, lost information technology and so I institute it once again.  Merely each time what I establish was more than incredible than the final.  So remember that everyone suffers in life at some point.  Anybody feels lost sometimes.  The primal is using your experiences to grow.  When you utilize what you're learning to your time to come choices and actions, you move frontwards not backward.  You become stronger and wiser.  It'south not easy, merely it'due south worth it in the end.

4.  It'south all virtually accepting the reality of what is.

You cannot find peace by avoiding life.  Life spins with unexpected changes; so instead of avoiding it, have every change and experience every bit a challenge for growth.  Either it will give you what you lot want or it will teach y'all what the next footstep is.  And think, finding peace in life does non mean to be in a place where there is no dissonance, no challenges, and no difficult work.  It ways to be in the midst of those things while remaining calm in your eye.

Honestly, life is too short to spend at war with yourself.  The biggest disappointments in our lives are often the upshot of misplaced expectations.  Letting go of needless expectations is your beginning step to happiness.  Come from a mindset of peace and acceptance, and you lot can deal with almost anything and grow across it.

5.  In every situation, You lot cull your attitude.

Be determined to be positive.  Understand that the greater role of your misery or unhappiness is determined not past your circumstances, just by your attitude.  A happy person is not a person who'southward always in a good state of affairs, but rather a person who always has a good mental attitude in every state of affairs.  Then smile at those who often try to begrudge or hurt y'all; show them what's missing in their life and what they can't take away from you.  Doing then doesn't mean forgetting or giving in, it means you choose happiness over injure. (Read Buddha's Encephalon.)

6.  Being solitary does not mean you are lonely, and existence lonely does not hateful you are alone.

The problem is not always in being alone; information technology'south being lonely in the presence of others.  1 tin exist lonely in the midst of a oversupply.  Wouldn't you concord?  So keep this in mind and choose your relationships wisely.  It'southward ever better to be alone than to be in bad company.  And when you do decide to come back for someone, practise so because you're truly better off with this person.  Don't do information technology simply for the sake not being alone.

7.  Everyone you intendance about does Not demand to support your decisions.

Friends and family unit won't always support your goals, but you must pursue them anyway.  Follow your intuition.  Following your intuition ways doing what feels right, fifty-fifty if it doesn't await or sound correct to others.  Only time will tell, but our human being instincts are rarely wrong.  Fifty-fifty if things don't plough out as you predictable, at least you won't have to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.  So don't worry about what everyone else thinks; just go along living and speaking your truth.

Ultimately, you know you're on the correct rail in life when you become uninterested in looking dorsum, and eager to take the next step, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

8.  Y'all are not who yous used to be, and that'due south OK.

You've been hurt; y'all've gone through numerous ups and downs that have made you who you are today.  Over the years, and then many things have happened – things that have inverse your perspective, taught you lessons, and forced your spirit to grow.  As time passes, nobody stays the same, but some people volition still tell you that you accept inverse.  Respond to them by saying, "Of class I've inverse.  That'due south what life is all about.  I'm yet the same man, just a little stronger now than I ever was before."

9.  The best you lot tin do changes from day to day.

Always practice your best.  And realize that "your all-time" is going to change repeatedly.  For instance, information technology volition be different when yous are healthy as opposed to sick.

Under any circumstance, simply do your all-time in the present moment and you volition avert self-judgment, self-corruption, and regret.  And remember that no thing what's happening, you can efficiently fight the battles of merely today.  It's only when you add the battles of those two bottomless eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly complicated.  It's necessary, therefore, to let yourself live just one solar day at a time – simply today – just right here, correct at present.  And exercise the best you can in it. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the "Self_love" chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Practice Differently.)

10.  It all matters in the end – every step, every regret, every smile, and every struggle.

The seemingly useless happenings add upwards to something.  The minimum wage chore you had in high school.  The evenings you spent socializing with colleagues you never run into anymore.  The hours yous spent writing thoughts on a personal blog that no one reads.  Contemplations nearly elaborate future plans that never came to exist.  All those lonely nights spent reading novels and news columns and comics strips and style magazines and questioning your own principles on life and sex and religion and whether or not you're good enough just the way you lot are.  All of this has strengthened y'all.  All of this has led you to every success you've always had.  All of this has fabricated you who you are today.

The flooring is yours…

What helps you stay positive when you lot feel lost and alone?  What's something encouraging yous endeavor to keep in mind when you're upwardly against lots of doubt?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Photo by: Little Zoker

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Source: https://www.marcandangel.com/2014/03/19/10-things-to-remember-when-you-feel-lost-and-alone/